Chapel of Optimal Life

A traditional Bible-based Christian church
A Bible-based Christian church for the modern age
A church based on the teachings of all the great thinkers
A new age church for the inquiring mind

ADVICE: Dear Angel

I am fourteen years old, get good marks and am considered very grown up by my friends. My parents are strict and old-fashioned and think of me as their little girl so I cannot tell them of my great love. I am really in pain. My body hurts from the love I feel for my "Apollo." He is the best looking senior in my school and I am too shy to even speak to him. He doesn't speak to me either but he smiles when he walks by.

Keep your mind active, read, talk to friends (about something else) and go to as many healthy diversions as you can.

I hurt all over and am literally crippled by my great love for him. What shall I do?

Shy and hurting

Dear Shy and Hurting:

It is impossible to feel love for someone you do not know and you do not know a boy you have never spoken to who, in turn, has never spoken to you.

You give one of the best descriptions I have ever read for "lust." Look the word up in your dictionary. It is a condition caused by nature and hormones. Although few will admit it, almost everyone has been afflicted sometime by this condition. You are not alone. You are not a sinner. It is a truly horrible condition but take it from someone who knows, it does pass, usually after even more pain.

Life is ups and downs, one balancing the other, sometimes up, down, up, down. But more usually it's lots of ups, then lots and lots of downs, then maybe some more ups. I know what I'm telling you won't change the pain but dwelling on it won't help either. Keep your mind active, read, talk to friends (about something else) and go to as many healthy diversions as you can.

In my opinion, this is probably not the boy for you. Best looking boys are spoiled from the get-go. Their mothers, sisters, aunts, teachers all spoil them. They can and do get the best looking, smartest, wittiest girls. If that describes you, then he would be more than occasionally smiling at you.

Summing up, you don't know him, you have a very painful condition, he is spoiled and probably not as nice as you think, this will pass, life will be good again but you have to work really hard at getting your mind off of this subject.

Live well, my dear,



Our Great NEW Health Plan

You're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you. So what do you do?

Our plan gives anyone, 65 years or older, a gun and 4 bullets. You are now are free to shoot four politicians.

This means, of course, that you will be sent to prison where you will get three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating, air conditioning and all the health care you need!

Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? Nothing but the finest. Need a new hip, knees, kidney, lungs or heart? They're all covered with no waiting.

As an added bonus, your kids can come and visit you as often as they do now but they can't stay very long.

And who will be paying for all of this? It's the same government that just told you that they cannot afford for you to go into a home.

Plus because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income taxes ever again.

Oh, and the funeral is on the house.

Is this a great country or what?

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