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ADVICE: Dear Angel

I have been in a pretty good relationship for the past six months but suddenly in the past six weeks or so, she has upped the ante. She wants me with her full time.

One thing I liked about this lady was that she seemed to understand that I need my alone time. I don't even need time with the boys or a girl. I just need my alone time. I have been pretty much a loner all my life and Harriet came along and came after me.

I liked having her be the seeker since I have always been too shy and insecure to woo anyone. One reason I am a loner is that I couldn't even work on someone to be my pal and no guy cared enough to work on me.


My mother died very bitter toward me for moving out. And now Harriet seems to be repeating the pattern I know and hate so well.

But Harriet and I got along. She didn't seem to mind the long spaces between conversations. She seemed content to have this low key, low pressure relationship. We would take a walk, ride on a boat, drive around and occasionally remark on some sight along the way.

Now she wants a full time commitment- all my off work hours. I have my own house and I just really like to putter around by myself on my own timetable.

I was thinking about marriage and was wondering how we would handle my need for me time when Harriet answered my wondering by aggressively pushing for the two of us full time.

I'm not good with confrontations. My late mother was very domineering and I guess the lack of friends and her overbearing manner was what led me to get my own space. The first one was in the basement where I fixed up an area when I only eight or nine and as soon as I could I bought my own home.

My mother died very bitter toward me for moving out. And now Harriet seems to be repeating the pattern I know and hate so well.

I know it's not considered normal to be such lone wolf but I am not hurting anyone and it's what makes me happy. My mother wanted me to give up my happiness for hers and now I am concerned that Harriet wants to do that, too.

Am I better off with her than without her? I am better off with the old Harriet and worse off with the new Harriet. I tried to explain my needs and desires but Harriet just got upset, cried and called me selfish.

Is there a way to save our old relationship or are women just needy for full time male companionship? Do I just have to end up an old batch talking to myself?

Lonesome Wolf

Dear Lonesome,

I can't speak for all women but Harriet definitely needs more than she is getting. If you don't want to end up an old batch talking to yourself, then compromise must be put on the table.

It must be a two way compromise. Harriet gives and you give.

There are 168 hours in the week and 56 should be spent sleeping and 55 hours going, working and returning which leaves 57 potential leisure hours. Throw in 7 hours for shopping, picking up the dry cleaning, gassing the car and we end up with 50 hours.

The fairest method would be to go fifty fifty. 25 hours of alone time, 25 hours of togetherness. Time spent with her family and friends counts as her time. Alone time means just you, all alone.

I can almost guarantee Harriet will try to up that ante and you will probably try to up the lone time so the deal will only work if you both want it to work more than you want your lone time and she wants her companionship time.

My guess is you'll both begrudgingly agree to something like this and spend the first years of your marriage arguing about it. Then she will probably want you to take more lone time. If you at least accept that scenario and want to marry Harriet by meeting her half way then you should go for it.

If not, then go back to your batch mode, talking to yourself. There are worse things than being alone. Alternatively, compromising, stretching, and learning to give to get can be a wonderful way to spend your life.

It's your choice first and only then will it be Harriet's choice.

You didn't mention kids so I'm assuming you both aren't planning any because if you do have children, then you will never have any lone time again and she'll never have any togetherness time, either. Unless, you count the times walking the floor with a sick child, alone, going to school events, together, waiting for the teenager to come home from a date, together, or arranging bail, alone.

I wish you both happiness in whatever you both decide,

Angel

©

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Men!

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Q: What is the difference between men and women?

A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need.

A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

_______________________________________________

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."


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Women!

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Dan was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.

When he realized that he was going to inherit a huge fortune when his sickly father died, he decided he wanted to find a gorgeous wife with whom to share his fortune.

One evening, at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away.

"I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die and I will inherit two hundred million dollars."

Impressed, the woman asked for his business card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

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