Chapel of Optimal Life

A traditional Bible-based Christian church
A Bible-based Christian church for the modern age
A church based on the teachings of all the great thinkers
A new age church for the inquiring mind

ADVICE: Dear Angel

I am a freshman student in High School and I am taking Honors Classes. But smart as I thought I was in Middle School, I am barely staying afloat in Honors High.

And I wouldn't mind this so much if it weren't for some of the dorkiest nerds ever in my class. One of them is known for playing games all night and sleeping in class. The physics teacher puts him in front of her desk and he nods off snoring. And he's getting a solid B plus!

And, he has wicked crush on me. When he wakes up to move to the next sleeping place (class) he dogs me and actually pants after me.

Is it outta sight horribus for me to util him for tutoring? He'd definitely shower regularly for me and maybe wear better clothes. And that would be doing the whole school a big favor.

Angel, I hate to be shallow shallow but he is pasty white and pimply and homely. And he smells! I would mention the smell to him but once I made the mistake of saying he should try brushing his teeth, which he didn't, but now does occasionally and he thinks I was coming on to him and now we should be steadies. He mentions the brushing of his teeth every day like some heroic act he has performed for me.

I could definitely use some tutoring and he would be my love slave if I even said one neutral thing to him. I'm completely negative so far. Is it outta sight horribus for me to util him for tutoring? He'd definitely shower regularly for me and maybe wear better clothes.

And that would be doing the whole school a big favor.

But there is no way ever I could let him touch me, hug me , kiss me. I mean it will never happen. So is it total unethical to util him to help me pass Physics? I NEED this for my college resume.

I'm so desperate I don't even mind if he tells everyone I'm his girl friend. I can straighten anyone I care about, about that. I do have a boy friend but he's in the Army overseas and I can't tell anyone about us because he is 18 and I'm only 15. My parents have forbidden me to have anything to do with him (because of the ages and he's a [different religion]) but we correspond by email and I pretend and he probably believes that we are engaged, secretly of course.

By the time Tommy comes home, I'll either have flunked Physics or have used Alvin to crawl to a passing grade and, of course, dumped him.

I really think of myself as an ethical and religious and moral person and even a nice person so I am conflicted by this dilemma.

Any words of wisdom, please,

Salome Conflicted

Dear Salome,

Oddly enough, your problem which seems so little is loaded with moral hazards.

Let's start with your wants. You want to go to college and feel you need this course to get there.

Alvin wants to be your boyfriend and presumably will take some drastic steps to win you.

How about just being honest with him. Tell him that you believe there is no chance of a romantic relationship with him but if he will shower (and shampoo) and wear clean clothes and do a great job of tutoring you in Physics so that you get X grade, you will allow him to come to your house, and be in the same room with you for one hour - or half hour - once - or twice - or four times a week.

Repeat, again and again, that you believe there is no chance of a romantic relationship with him. BUT, you should be aware that throughout history, two people being often together have been known to.... fall in love. Your description of Alvin makes it sound unlikely but thousands of women have ended up marrying a man they initially despised and living happily ever after with him.

So as long as you do not dupe him from the beginning and you give fair warning, regularly, I think you are on the ethical and moral and religious middle ground.

You will risk all for a passing grade and he will risk all to win your heart.

Less than even but then who ever said life is fair.




Judah and Jesus


Jesus was wandering around Jerusalem when He decided that He really needed a new robe.

After looking around for a while, He asked some strangers for directions to a good tailor and he was directed to Judah, the Tailor. He went in and made the necessary arrangements to have Judah prepare a new robe for Him. A few days later, when the robe was finished, Jesus tried it on and it was a perfect fit!

He asked how much He owed. Judah brushed him off: 'No, no, no, for the Son of God? There's no charge! However, may I ask for a small favor? Whenever you give a sermon, perhaps you could just mention that your new robe was made by Judah, the Tailor?'

Jesus readily agreed and as promised, extolled the virtues of his Judah robe whenever He spoke to the masses.

A few months later, while Jesus was again walking through Jerusalem, He happened to walk past Judah's shop and noted a huge line of people waiting for Judah's robes.

He pushed his way through the crowd to speak to him and as soon as Judah spotted him he said: 'Jesus, Jesus, look what you've done for my business! Would you consider a partnership?'

'Certainly,' replied Jesus. 'Jesus & Judah it is.'

'Oh, no, no,' said Judah. 'Judah & Jesus. After all, I am the craftsman.' The two of them debated this for some time.

Their discussion was long and spirited, but ultimately fruitful and they finally came up with a mutually acceptable compromise. A few days later, the new sign went up over Judah's shop:

Lord & Tailor

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