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FICTION: Chad, Part Eleven

Chad was quite satisfied with his punishment of Jeremy but he had to admit he underestimated the reactions inside of reactions inside of more reactions.

He definitely didn't foresee Jeremy getting hit twice - very hard - on his head and suffering a concussion.

If Jeremy hadn't been young and strong, it might have been much more serious - even fatal.

Chad determined that, in the future, he would think these things through much more carefully and promised himself he would err on the side of safety.

He decided he would try a slow campaign of objects there and then gone, lost and then found...

...he fell asleep where he had a most unusual dream. Miss Poleskis morphed into the Wicked Witch of the West and she was out to get him.

Miss Poleskis was, after all, a very old woman - in her forties, at least - and, as such, would require gentler care. He wasn't going to use nudity on such an old creature and since everyone - at least all the students - thought she was crazy, he couldn't very well make her look any crazier except - well, maybe - he could make her think she was too crazy to stay in the school any longer.

Chad decided that in her advanced old age, she probably was used to misplacing everything so he would have to come up with really big misplacements.

If he could drive - which he couldn't - he could take her keys and move her automobile many miles away. But then he realized that in a stopped time state the car probably could just be rolled, easily, perhaps, someplace interesting and crazy -maybe into her backyard - maybe into the chief of police's back yard (he was familiar with that) - maybe into the school auditorium which had a garage door into it's backstage.

As he lay in bed that night, his thoughts roamed wilder and wilder until he fell asleep where he had a most unusual dream. Miss Poleskis morphed into the Wicked Witch of the West and she was out to get him. He had on blue overalls and golden klompen (dutch clogs) and Miss Poleskis kept calling him, "My pretty", which, truth to tell, he was - but no fourteen year old likes to be reminded of that.

John Conyers was the Scare Crow and Jeremy was the Cowardly Lion but he didn't see any Tin Man - mayhap some antagonist to come? The Munchkins were nowhere to be seen but the flying monkeys were there and looked an awful lot like the football team.

They were already on the yellow brick road and off to see the Wizard but Chad couldn't fathom what he was seeking. When the monkey footballers started flying toward him, he awakened in a sweat and started to think seriously about his plan to get Miss Poleskis to retire.

His first few forays were not immediately successful. When he went into Miss Poleskis classroom - while in time out - he took all her chalk and her shoes off her feet as she sat at her desk. He was startled to see her soon after in the hall with a different pair of shoes (and a new box of chalk in her hands). He surmised - correctly- that she kept a spare pair of shoes in her desk.

He had originally put the shoes he removed on the top of her parked car in the teachers' parking lot but now he - back in time out - got her car keys and put the shoes on the back seat of her vehicle. She would, he hoped, assume she had put them in the back seat as she left home, forgot to put them on after she parked, walked into the classroom and only noticed they were missing three classes later. That should give her something to fret about.

The next day he took all the chalk again and retrieved six pair of shoes from her home and put a pair into each of the drawers in her desk. She had already brought an extra pair in so he took that pair and put them next to her feet and removed the pair she wearing and put it in the back seat of her car. He noticed - during his class with her - that she seemed to be jumpy and kept checking her feet. And she was keeping the chalk on her desk.

"Am I making progress, my ugly?"

Chad, Part Eleven
by Kingsley Amiss



It must Be True If You Read It On the WEB


If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.


Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.


Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can read it.

I cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in what oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is that the first and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?


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