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ADVICE: Dear Angel

As I understand it, the bride's parents should shoulder the cost of the wedding and the groom's parents should pay for the rehearsal dinner; the groom pays for the engagement ring and the honeymoon; the bride pays for nothing.

Do you feel that this traditional way of paying for a wedding is the best way when all is said and done?

I wonder in this day and age, with many women earning equal or better than men, why the bride gets off Scot free. Shouldn't the bride and groom split the cost of the ring and honeymoon?

Parents no longer should have to pay to unload their daughters on some lusting male. And females should no longer be burdens or sex objects but equal partners in any relationships.

And if that were the case, then I suppose the groom's parents should pay half the wedding and the bride's parents half the rehearsal dinner. And each mother would have equal say in both events.

Or more appropriately, perhaps the person who most wants the big wedding, should pay for it and run it. The bride wants everything to be her way, her dream way, but never seems to chip in any cash. If she wants the big wedding, she should pay for it, shouldn't she?

This would probably mean that grooms who often don't even want a marriage and almost never want a wedding bigger than city hall, would never have to pony up any cash, including the engagement ring. The bride wants the ring as an advertisement that she is desired for a wife. So shouldn't she pay for it? Or is the female equal to the male in every way except when she wants to welsh out of the costs?

Lots of questions for the twenty first century. What are your thoughts?

Equality Questioner

Dear Equality,

I am intrigued with your suggestion that he or she who most wants the action or product should pay for it. Let's see, if a woman wants to ask a man out, she should pay for the date. And just as many women decline to date men that don't turn them on, so men can decline women who don't do it for them.

If a man and a woman establish a close and special relationship, they should share any costs equally, even if their earning power is unequal. Unless they both willingly agree to an unequal sharing.

When the wedding , in the fullness of time, comes rolling around, the pattern would be set. If she wants an expensive and/or elaborate wedding, she or her parents should pay the entire bill, rings, grooms rentals, brides gowns, rehearsal dinner, everything. If the man, or his parents want the big one, then they should pay for it all.

The one big advantage I see from all these changes is that there would so many fights, tears, recriminations and hard feelings that the wedding rate would plummet and so would the divorce rate.

There are far too many children being raised by one parent households. Your idea would certainly cut that number way back.

I do think that your idea would even the playing field. Parents no longer should have to pay to unload their daughters on some lusting male. And females should no longer be burdens or sex objects but equal partners in any relationships. And males who want the "extra privileges" but not the wedding should be turned out to find their own way.

In an ideal world, women would be equals in every way to men but that ideality has not yet arrived so couples must stumble along getting and giving what is doable. But, the stronger, the more desirable the woman, the more equal she can be. And the weaker, the less desirable the women, the less equal she will be.

Times are a changing but weddings are still lots of give and lots of take and the new millennia in equality has not arrived but it is a comin' down the tracks and will be arriving at the station sooner than many folks would like.

Give a little, get a little and happiness will be yours,

Angel

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