Two stories to make you smile and appreciate your beliefs:
He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath And their favorite clothes hanging in the closet. They gasped in astonishment when he said, "Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now." Sam asked how much all this was going to cost. "Why, nothing," their companion replied, "remember, this is your reward in Heaven."
Sam and Edith were 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies. Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.
One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven. They reached the pearly gates, and there an escort was waiting to show them inside.
The conductor rushed back and said, "Dr. Einstein, Dr. Einstein, don't worry, I know who you are. No problem. You don't need a ticket. I'm sure you bought one."
Sam looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on earth.
"What are the greens fees?" grumbled the old man. "This is Heaven," the companion replied. "You can play for free, every day"
Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic deserts, free flowing beverages. "Don't even ask," said their companion to Sam. "This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy."
The old man looked around and glanced nervously at Edith. "Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?" he asked. "That's the best part," the companion replied. "You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!"
Sam pushed, "No gym to work out at?"
"Not unless you want to," was the answer. " No testing your sugar or blood pressure or..." "Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself."
Sam glared at Edith and said, "You and your crummy bran muffins. We could have been here twenty years ago.."
When Billy Graham was in his early 80's in January 2000, leaders in Charlotte, North Carolina, invited him, their favorite son, to a luncheon in his honor.
Billy initially hesitated to accept the invitation because he was struggling with Parkinson's disease. But the Charlotte leaders said, "We don't expect a major address. Just come and let us honor you."
So he agreed.
After wonderful things were said about him, Dr. Graham stepped to the rostrum, looked at the crowd, and said, "I'm reminded today of Albert Einstein, the great physicist who this month has been honored by Time magazine as the Man of the Century. Einstein was once traveling from Princeton on a train when the conductor came down the aisle, punching the tickets of every passenger. When he came to Einstein, Einstein reached in his vest pocket. He couldn't find his ticket, so he reached in his trouser pockets. It wasn't there, so he looked in his briefcase but couldn't find it. Then he looked in the seat beside him.
"He still couldn't find it.
"The conductor said, 'Dr. Einstein, I know who you are. We all know who you are. I'm sure you bought a ticket. Don't worry about it.'
"Einstein nodded appreciatively. The conductor continued down the aisle punching tickets. As he was ready to move to the next car, he turned around and saw the great physicist down on his hands and knees looking under his seat for his ticket.
"The conductor rushed back and said, 'Dr. Einstein, Dr. Einstein, don't worry, I know who you are. No problem. You don't need a ticket. I'm sure you bought one.'
"Einstein looked at him and said, 'Young man, I too, know who I am. What I don't know is where I'm going.'"
Having said that Billy Graham continued, "See the suit I'm wearing?
"It's a brand new suit. My wife, my children, and my grandchildren are telling me I've gotten a little slovenly in my old age. I used to be a bit more fastidious. So I went out and bought a new suit for this luncheon and one more occasion.
"You know what that occasion is? This is the suit in which I'll be buried. But when you hear I'm dead, I don't want you to immediately remember the suit I'm wearing. I want you to remember this:
"I not only know who I am ... I also know where I'm going."
Adapted from supporters E mails as submitted to www.thecoolgroup.org
If You Think About Each Of These Questions
Very Carefully, You'll Still Get Some Wrong !
How many birthdays does the average man have?1 25 65 85
Do they have a 4th of July in England? Yes or No
Some months have 31 days; how many have 28? 1 6 10 12
How many outs are there in an inning? 2 3 6 8
Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister? Yes or No
Divide 30 by 1/2 and add 10. What is the answer? 25 35 55 70
If there are 3 apples and you take away 2, how many do you have? 1 2 3
A doctor gives you three pills telling you to take one every half hour. How many minutes would the pills last? 30 60 90 120
A farmer has 17 sheep, and all but 9 die. How many are left? 25 17 9 8
How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the ark? 0 2 2000 20000
How many two cent stamps are there in a dozen? 2 6 12 24
How many birthdays does the average man have?
1. Just one!
Is there a Fourth of July in England?
Yes. It comes after the Third of July!
Some months have 31 days; how many have 28?
12. All months have 28 or more!
How many outs are there in an inning?
6. Three per side!
Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widow's sister?
No. It's his widow's sister, meaning he's dead !
Divide 30 by 1/2 and add 10. What is the answer?
70. (30 divided by 1/2 equals 60! Takes some thinking.....)
If there are 3 apples and you take away 2, how many do you have?
2. You took them, remember?
A doctor gives you three pills telling you to take one every half hour.
How many minutes would the pills last?
60. Start with the 1st pill, 30 minutes later take the 2nd, then 30 minutes for the 3rd.
A farmer has 17 sheep, and all but 9 die. How many are left?
How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the ark?
0. Moses didn't have an ark, Noah did!
How many two cent stamps are there in a dozen?
12. There are 12, 2 cent stamps in a dozen!